Two weeks ago, I was feeling very poor. We had a sudden car complication come up that was going to cost around $1400, which was $1400 more than we had. I had realized that the $4000 we have been trying to save up for this baby has not been accumulating as it should be - with no idea why. Our car registration is due this month. And our car insurance next month. And it's Christmas.
Two weeks ago, I wanted to cry out of anxiety.
Today, I wanted to cry out of gratitude.
Not because all our financial needs were met in a miraculous way (yet), although that would be awesome. But because I got a glimpse of God's bigger picture.
Not because all our financial needs were met in a miraculous way (yet), although that would be awesome. But because I got a glimpse of God's bigger picture.
Three weeks ago, my mom called and told me that she wanted to fly me and Noel out to Michigan for Thanksgiving while Zak was gone to Haiti....Then she told me she didn't want me to pay for anything while I was there.
Thanksgiving morning comes around and our friend takes us to the airport...and hands us an envelope that looks to be a Christmas card. In the airport I opened it to find $200. "It isn't much," the card read, "but we hope it will help and encourage you." Not much?! Never, ever underestimate the power of a gift. No matter how seemingly big or small.
All week long, while staying with my parents, I couldn't pull my wallet out fast enough. I would plan to pay for food, my dad would claim the check. I would ask to chip in for groceries, "Nonsense," my mom said, "You don't eat that much."
All week long, I am reading updates about what my husband is doing in Haiti and I am overwhelmed to tears by the amazing work of our Great God and I am feeling blessed beyond imagination to know and be a part of that work - even if I might not always be right there by his side.
My flight arrived today and I was met by my friend who picked me and my daughter up from the airport, fed me lunch and then drove us to get our car from the mechanic.
........The mechanic, who graciously discounted our car repairs so that we could get all that needed to be fixed, fixed.
........The mechanic, who graciously discounted our car repairs so that we could get all that needed to be fixed, fixed.
I walked through my apartment door to a house that smelled of cinnamon and was spotless - because my sister-in-law detailed our apartment...including the bathroom.
It was that moment that I almost fell to my knees and sobbed. I had to stop everything I was doing and just praise God for the wonderful family and friends that we are blessed with.
We are so exceptionally wealthy. How could I ever think we were poor? As I write this, I am just weeping as I think about all that God does for us - he knows our needs so intimately and he is so much bigger than I could ever imagine.
On the flight today, in order to get Noel to sleep, I had to sing to her. I sang for about an hour while she napped and I just sang every worship song I could remember. I had to stop myself from giving in to tears then and there because I was already singing in front of these strangers and I sure as heck wasn't going to cry in front of them, too. But I realized that for all the rest I had this week, I hadn't stopped to worship the God who was giving it to me.
"Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like
and I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night
and you tell me that you're pleased
and that I'm never alone.
You're a good, good Father. It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
and I am loved by you, it's who I am. It's who I am. It's who I am.
I've seen many searching for answers, far and wide.
but I know we're all searching for answers only you provide.
Cause you know just what we need before we say a word.
You're a good, good Father, it's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
and I'm loved by you, it's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am.
You are perfect in all of your ways,
You are perfect in all of your ways to us.
and I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night
and you tell me that you're pleased
and that I'm never alone.
You're a good, good Father. It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
and I am loved by you, it's who I am. It's who I am. It's who I am.
I've seen many searching for answers, far and wide.
but I know we're all searching for answers only you provide.
Cause you know just what we need before we say a word.
You're a good, good Father, it's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
and I'm loved by you, it's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am.
You are perfect in all of your ways,
You are perfect in all of your ways to us.
Love so undeniable, I can hardly speak.
Peace so unexplainable, I can hardly see.
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still into love, love, love.
You're a good, good Father, it's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
and I am loved by you, it's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am."
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still into love, love, love.
You're a good, good Father, it's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
and I am loved by you, it's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am."
I often forget who I am. A loved child of God. God always provides for our needs....but sometimes I am so blind by the needs I see, that I don't see him filling the needs that I can't. I am a far richer person than I could ever have hoped to be.
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If you haven't heard the latest Chris Tomlin song from above, here is the link to listen to it on YouTube. It will be way better than imagining me singing it on an airplane full of strangers ;)
