A Beautiful Mess

When I look at a photo, I never look to see what hairs I need to Photoshop out. I never look at the wrinkles on a grandmother and think about making her skin smoother. Rarely do I not include a photo because there is a sun spot glaring through the image. I don't exclude the images where the kids aren't being as cooperative as they could be. 

I look at the hairs blowing across a child's face and I see the wind that blew them there. I see the wrinkles on a grandmother and I see the laughter that brought them there. I see the sun spot and I think of the dimension it creates and the beauty it gives to my art. I see the grumpy looks and I think...

This is just, well, LIFE. 

Life is full of imperfections. It's full of messy hair, messy faces, bad moods, good moods, wrinkles and scars. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. 

I think that's why I like the Gospel so much. Jesus loves me no matter how imperfect I am. No matter how messy my hair is. No matter how much PB & J I have left on my kids faces. No matter if I lost my temper today, or whether everyone got along perfectly. Nothing I do changes what He has already done. Nothing I do changes the fact that in all of my imperfection - when I was His enemy (Romans 5:10) - Christ still died for me. He did not ask me to be perfect or even try first. He just asked me to believe that He died for me and that I needed him to. I needed a Savior.  I could do nothing on my own - especially obtain salvation. I still can't do anything on my own. I still need a Savior.

This is the truth I need every moment of every day. I need to know that whether I meet my own expectations today or not, I am always met with a Savior who sees me for what I am and loves me still. I need to know that Jesus sees through the hair, the fake smile, the dirt, the hurt and the pain and will never let me go. Just as he faithfully came to die for my sins, he faithfully lives with me through His Spirit to grow me and change me to look more like him. 

So, I look at an imperfect picture and I see Jesus. I see His ability to look through the mess that I am and see me - His creation. His child. His beloved.

"Who then can bring accusation against God's elect? God is the one who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised

to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?... No, in

all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:33-35,37-39

This Is How I Fight My Battles

The room is noisy. Crowded. Chaos.

People making dinner. Reminiscing. Laughing.

The noise is good noise - happy. Full of love. Beautiful. Family together after lots of time apart.

But I heard a song this morning that I can't get out of my head. It resonates in my ears, my mind, my heart. The faint hum of this melody - a simple refrain singing over and over again: 'This is how I fight my battles..."

So I do something I've never done before - outside of running or studying. In a crowded room, full of people, noise and chaos - this Extrovert puts in her headphones. I push play.

Suddenly, the only noise I hear is:

"There is a table that you've prepared for me, in the presence of my enemies. 

This is how I fight my battles."

I hear nothing but these words. This music. The noise that filled me head only seconds ago is completely drowned out by these words. This Truth.

The Truth that was so faint before - almost imperceptible - is now loud and clear. It's the only thing I hear.

The noise I was drowning out wasn't bad. But how often is the noise that I'm hearing just drowning out the Voice of the One who loves me? How often am I overwhelmed by the thoughts and chaos of "You're not good enough." "You're a terrible mother." "Look at what all these other people are doing, you're never doing enough." "You're failing." "You've lost."

Then, the Voice of God rings faintly in my ears - "I am more than enough for you. You are loved. You are lovely because I love you. I will never let you go. I have called you by name, you are Mine."

The only way I can fight my battles is by filling my head with this Truth.

I'm enough because Christ overcame all things for me.

I'm good only because of Christ's victory on the cross.

I'm not lost - the battle is already won because Christ conquered it all for me.

"It may look like I'm surrounded, but I'm surrounded by You."

With the Truth of the Gospel. That is how I fight my battles.

"But now, this is what the Lord says —

    he who created you, Jacob,

    he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 

When you pass through the waters,

    I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

    they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

    you will not be burned;

    the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 

For I am the Lord your God,

    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

I give Egypt for your ransom,

    Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.

4 

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,

    and because I love you,

I will give people in exchange for you,

    nations in exchange for your life."

Isaiah 43:1-4

"Surrounded: Fight My Battles"