Honest Thoughts from a Missionary's Wife

This morning was spent taking another early morning drive to the airport to say goodbye to my husband again for 12 days. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were doing the same thing on Thanksgiving morning...

....I could tell Noel felt the same way, because she couldn't stop clinging to him - and him to her.

The few days leading up to a trip I think I go through every emotion possible.

Anxiety, knowing I will be doing this parenting thing by myself for two weeks.
    Fear, knowing I will be doing this parenting thing by myself for two weeks.
        Immense Joy, knowing that Zak will experience life-changing moments and miracles and hear                stories we would otherwise never know if he didn't have these opportunities.
             Denial, I bury myself in my job and house cleaning and try to forget that he will be gone.
                  Excitement, I think of all the fun things I can plan while he's gone.
                     Relief, knowing I don't have to cook dinner if I don't feel like it and Noel can just eat
                        chicken nuggets for two weeks - which probably won't happen, but it's a nice thought.
                           Happiness, knowing that I don't have to work for two weeks, followed by...
                              More Anxiety, knowing that I won't be working for two weeks, so will we be able                                   to pay our bills this month?

But when I drop him off at the airport, I can only think of the joy that this trip will bring. The lives that will be changed and challenged through it. I think of the lives of those on the team - the richness they will experience as they travel to this country that is so different from our own we could almost be on different planets. The poverty and the joy - the lives they will touch and the lives they will be touched by. The hope they will experience.

I think of myself and Noel. We won't be going on the trip, but God will challenge us equally here. He will teach me patience and self control. He will teach me to rest in Him, to trust in Him while I am not working and know that he knows my needs before I do. He will show me how it is his strength that gets me through each day, not my own. He will show me how He is my provider and my Hope.

And when Zak gets home, we will share our experiences and talk about the day in the hopefully nearer future where I can go with him again. But until then, I am grateful for what we have. I am thankful for those who support us both with prayer and through their own generosity that makes it possible for me to be here with Noel while Zak is gone. I am grateful that Zak gets to go and share the gospel through the work he is doing with Hungry for Life.

And I am grateful that I can be here and share the gospel with our daughter.

"Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; 

let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! 

Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;

let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! 

For the Lord is a great God, 

and a great King above all gods. 

In his hand are the depths of the earth;

the heights of the mountains are his also. 

The sea is his; for he made it, 

and his hands formed the dry land. 

Oh come, let us worship and bow down; 

let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!" 

 -Psalm 95:1-6